Building a Strong Therapeutic Relationship

It can be terrifying and vulnerable to find a therapist and go to therapy. In fact, most people feel some sort of nerves before seeing a therapist. So how do you find a therapist? How do you get ready to meet a stranger and talk to them about yourself? We may often have these questions “what am I going to talk about? Is this even going to help? Can I trust this therapist?”

The relationship established with your therapist is important. You should feel comfortable in a judgment-free space.

Fundamental Questions to Consider When Choosing a Therapist

There are many factors to consider, including practical matters such as:

• Does your insurance provider cover the cost of therapy? If so, consult your insurance provider to ensure your benefits cover the therapist.

• Is the therapist registered with a psychology board (such as the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC), etc.) and is the business licensed? The information should be on the therapist’s website, or you can search for the therapist using a reliable online database such as Psychology Today or Counselling BC.

• If you are not covered by insurance (or only partially covered), does the therapy session price fit in your financial budget? For those who have financial limitations, does the therapist offer compassionate pricing (aka., sliding scale) based on your income?

• Are you able to get to the therapist’s office location easily? If not, is online therapy offered and easily accessible?

Questions to Ask About the Therapist for a More Personalized Approach

Other, sometimes even more important, factors to consider center around the question, “does the relationship between you and your therapist feel right to you?” Only you can know when it does. Your therapist is an ally there to support you, not bring about feelings of judgment. Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself if the therapist you are seeing is the right fit for you:

• Does the therapist listen to understand what you have experienced (or do they often interrupt and impose their ideas)?

• Does the therapist understand your specific needs or goals? Do you feel they understand your therapy goals enough to support you in exploring them?

• Do you feel respected (or does the therapist invalidate your concerns)?

• Does the therapist listen to constructive feedback from you? No one is the same, and you shouldn’t feel like the therapy is a formula for someone else and not adapting to you.

• Do you have a specific area of concern, and does your therapist specialize in that area (substance use/addictions, depression, etc.)?

• Does the therapist demonstrate cultural competence (ex., gender, race, cultural background, religious affiliations, etc.)?

Reflect on What You Want To Get Out of Therapy

Some questions to ask yourself before and after therapy sessions:

• Are you receiving benefits in your life from therapy after a few sessions, no matter how small the benefits (therapy shouldn’t feel stagnant)?

• What have you been noticing differently about yourself? Notice what feeling arises as you lean into this question and where your thoughts drift towards.

• Do you feel resistant to going to therapy? How can you keep showing up for yourself even when it’s challenging?

Reflect on your responses and how you feel during therapy sessions. It doesn’t have to be super complicated; asking one simple reflection question can be as powerful as asking ten. Your feelings of trust and comfort are your top priority, no matter how much experience or accreditation your therapist has.

Yes, the act of therapy can be uncomfortable, but if you feel uncomfortable with your therapist for any reason, remember: you don’t need a reason to raise questions to seek clarity on important matters to you and the therapy process altogether or to seek another therapist. The therapy process is for your benefit, so naturally, how you feel about the process and the direction of the therapy sessions are important.

Pay Attention to Any Red Flags You May Feel Come Up

Therapy is meant to be a welcoming and accepting space for all feelings. The following are some questions to reflect on after each session with your therapist.

• When meeting with your therapist, what areas or topics feel uncomfortable exploring? If you mention these concerns to the therapist, how do they adapt to ensure you feel supported and understood?

• Is the therapist promising to “cure” you? Therapy is not a quick fix and is more often about understanding the blocks and difficulties in your daily life and how they affect your mental health.

• How do you feel in the therapy space? Consideration for your privacy and emotional safety is important.

• Is the therapist crossing any boundaries? When you don’t want to talk about something, do they persist?

Therapy Can Be as Unique as You Are

The therapist is there to support you in navigating and understanding experiences which may be considered challenging to gain insight and perspective.

Wondering if As You Are Counselling Is the Right Fit for You?